Oh yes we all love Meg Ryan, who doesn’t? My brother and I were even named for her. And who could forget when Harry Burns proved to Sally Albright, that guys and girls couldn’t be friends. Or wait… Is that what he proved? Actually, he just proved that he could never be friends with her because he was in love with her.
Most people tend to forgo the first couple of scenes in the movie and remember the following: Guys and girls can’t be friends, fake orgasm, get together, fight, get married, credit reel. However, the scene right before all of us tuned in was pretty key to the plot. In fact, it was the first time Harry hits on Sally which is when they are together in the diner long before they even attempt friendship.
Now let’s just assume that I was in fact going to grow up and marry every guy I was close friends with. Well the prophets of Mormon communes in Salt Lake City would have nothing on me! I was brought into this world with an older brother who was destined to be my natural first best friend and a younger one not long after me. It also helped that I was also raised by a mother who had two childhood best friends whom she kept up with on a regular basis, Holly, and a boy named Andy, with whom despite years of friendship she never once had a romantic encounter.
Having male friends, however, has been one of the greatest parts of my life. My three best friends, Joe, Sid, and Christian, have not only taught me how guys think and but have also reminded me that the one of the greatest thing you can do is get out and play sports and then eat a big chocolate muffin and beer and talk it over with the guys afterwards (yep girls this is how my guys deal with things: they toss a baseball for an hour, run a couple of miles and enjoy a nice snack because you are no longer there to tell them about calories).
So why the stigma? Why are we so against guys and girls being friends? I believe there are actually two reasons the first of which is pretty simple, when things are going wrong it is far easier to blame someone else than yourself. So, when your relationship is going sour, it makes sense that you would find outside sources to blame and often this source lands on your significant other’s friends. I mean let’s face it, it is so much easier to blame that sultry sex goddess sitting on the couch sensually burping with all those boys than to blame yourself. I mean it really is a good explanation for why he “suddenly” isn’t attracted to you. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that he has a boss or professor breathing down his neck to finish reports in way to short a time period and every time you enter the room you slap his feet off the coffee table and ask him to pick his socks up. Nope it’s that sultry queen of calculus who is giggling her sex giggle at the Big Bang Theory with all those boys. So, you do exactly what every sane girl would do, you say “How can they be friends? That isn’t friendship! She is ruining MY relationship and I want HER out!!” The sad fact is that once you have exploded and cut her out and rode out the rest of your unfixed relationship and even move on and find a new boy with zero female interaction besides you, that saucy girl will still be on the couch hacking a lugi, and being as little a sexual stimulation to your former boy-toy as any one of the males beside her. Sadly for you, that girl was probably the one who made sure you got the best roses from the florist and the pretty jewelry instead of what was on the advertisement outside the store. Let’s get serious, everyone needs a good variety of friends no matter how awesome one person in their life is, it’s what keeps us balanced. Oh and this street goes both ways.
The second reason why this negative myth has continued to thrive is because there are a lot of women out there who sadly don’t understand how this friendship can work. It is a sad fact but statistically only 65% of women have a close male friend. I feel most problems that come up in women not understanding their male “friends” could be solved with one simple rule: “Always remember he isn’t your accessory and he isn’t your girlfriend in a male body.”
A guy-girl friendship is something unique, because there is a world of insight into knowledge that you are both generally pretty curious about and when you let the walls down you can learn a lot about people and life in general. Conversations can get pretty deep pretty fast on everything from politics to religion to relationships, because our brains fundamentally work differently and that intrigues us. Most girls I know get confused and ask “why isn’t emotionally supporting me if he is supposed to be my friend?” Well the answer to that is really actually very simple because guys generally aren’t emotional creatures the way women are. Sure they have some pretty good emotions but the way they deal with them is different. Girls cry first and talk it out, boys go do an activity that “gets their mind off it” and work through things before they talk it out to their friends. Guys generally have no idea what to do with tears, beyond give you a hug, but sometimes that’s dangerous so the go for the back pat and “cry it out… ok you good with the tears… got’em all out yet?” approach. Sure once in a while you will find an emotional genius boy you knows just how to wipe up those tears as a girlfriend would, but those are few and far between. Beyond that know he will whine if you make him go shopping with you unless you take him to spencers or the toy department and he will expect you to at least be able to learn that Kasey Kahne is the greatest nascar driver that ever lived although he will respect you for choosing those moments to forgo group activities to watch downton abbey alone. What he won’t miss out on girly-magazines and the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Sure he’ll complain when you first pull them out but they are everyone’s favorite guilty pleasure.
So, what should When Harry met Sally actually have taught us? That Harry could never be just friends with Sally because he was in love with her and that when a guy really loves a girl for real he loves her friendship in addition to everything else…
Sources:
No comments:
Post a Comment