A Little Post College Advice From Reality

I suppose you all are wondering where I have been and why I just didn't keep up with this blog.  To be honest, I regret not keeping up with it.  I had a ton of fun while creating this blog and loved most of the feedback I received in return.  However, once I graduated, I ran head long into the world.

I left my job as a Wedding Coordinator (no you didn't miss a step, I was a Wedding Coordinator while making my way through school and writing this blog), and went backpacking across Europe and Australia for a year.  While I was away, I worked as a night cleaner cleaning hostels in London in exchange for free board, a Wedding Coordinator down in Australia, and a waitress in Australia.  When I got home I took the first job I could find which obviously was not the job I wanted, then got a sales job, then a marketing events coordinator job, and then finally a full blown marketing job. Yay world I have finally made it to the end goal!  I now know exactly what they mean when they say "Everyone hates you when you are 22."

So here is my advice to anyone who is getting ready to graduate college:

1) If all else fails, save all the pennies you can and go backpacking.  The people you meet are amazing, the food is incredible, and when everyone is waiting tables to make ends meet, you are at least waiting tables in another country.

While you are there contact temp agencies who hire in the field that you want to get into and/or have experience in.  I did not actually do this myself, but one of my best friends did right before I left and it worked out brilliantly for her.  She had fewer professional gaps in her resume, earned a higher paycheck than your typical backpacker, and still was gaining all the benefits of travel.  Keep a folder on you at all times with a copy of your resume (I also advise keeping this on a google doc so you can alter it and print it at any time), a couple official copies of your transcripts, and two signed letters of recommendations from previous employers or professors (don't give them away make a copy of them).  Keep the folder in a waterproof (i.e. ziploc) bag at the bottom of your backpack/suitcase.  Trust me looking like the ever ready bunny never hurts when it comes to finding a job.

Many cities offer free walking tours that I highly suggest you go on once you land.  It will help you find your barrings and find out what you actually want to do once you get to a city. AKA there is a lot more the Amsterdam than pot and a lot more to London than the Buckingham Palace.

Read the newspaper to find out when economies are going through hard times.  When they do buy your plane ticket in the failing countries currency and exchange some cash.  Br-exit isn't going to negatively affect your travels, but it will cheapen your airfare.  Just be sure that there isn't something actually wrong with the safety of the city.  A journalist being beheaded in Syria may drive down the plane ticket price, but you don't want it to end up costing you more than you bargained for later down the line.

Don't listen to people who tell you that you shouldn't travel.  Trust me there are plenty of people who told me about how I was about to become the new reality star of Hostel 4, but I to this day, do not personally know of anyone who was brutally murdered while staying in a Hostel.  I do know of two boys who drowned in a lake (which I do reflect on pretty regularly) and I do know of one boy who was rufied in a bar and woke up in a hospital, but both of those things actually happened at home for them.

2) If you get a job straight out of school negotiate as much time to travel before you start as you possibly can.  Whether it is a week or a month or even three months, it is well worth it!

3) When you first start applying for jobs, apply to as many as you can!  Alternatively, if you had an internship which is offering you a full time position use this as a starting point.  Once you have one job, then apply only to jobs that interest you and use the salary from the one you have to negotiate a higher salary somewhere else.

4) Don't expect to jump out of college and have your life all put together for you.  A lot more people end up living with their parents at some point although the tend to not want to admit to it.  Get the cheapest apartment you can find and find free furniture when ever you can.  I am currently repainting a once white bookshelf into a very nice black with grey trim.  What probably should have cost me $500 in solid bookshelf that goes with my decor is actually only costing me about $50 in paint and brushes ($30 if I had saved my last set of paint brushes).

5) Never stop learning.  Go to conferences in your field and get book recommendations from speakers.  Actually read the books.  This will expand your horizons, keep you fresh, and give you something to talk about at interviews/awkward dinner parties.  Also go to lectures in your are that interest you and read books on topics you like.

6) If you find you are dating someone and you do not feel like you are a better person with them (which generally goes hand in hand with if you are generally happy with them) leave.  I have far to many friends in unhappy relationships to even site examples on this one.  However, you aren't doing anyone any favors by staying in what can be sometimes be described as miserable relationship.  It doesn't matter if you have been with them for years, that may just mean that you have been with them one year too long.  People grow and change, break ups aren't bad they are a part of life.  There are plenty of people out there and one day you too will stumble across someone who makes you happy to wake up in the morning and be alive with them.

7) Reconnect every once in a while with old friends, old coworkers, and old boyfriends.  Sure things may not have worked out as you had once hoped, but these people have grown just as you have and the connection you had with them will never fully go away.  Especially during the hard times, we tend to avoid people.  However, going to one of my best friend from school's art opening right after I had lost my job was better than any therapy I could have asked for.

8) Be honest about your past with yourself and other people in your life.  Everyone has parts of their past they aren't proud of, but a lot of people have trouble opening up about it.  When you learn from your less than proud moments, you grow.  Sharing your growth from a bad time in your life allows people to see your growth beyond it, connect more deeply with people who are trying to grow from their past, and allows them to grow from your experiences. That being said, you must actually grow first and the only way to do that is to be honest with yourself.

9)  Know what job you want to have two jobs away from where you currently are.  A lot of people get complacent in their current job because they don't know what they want to do moving forward and they don't know how to get there.  If you know where you want to go next and where you want to go after that, you will have random evenings of inspiration where you will talk to a colleague, pick up a book, or search through the google machine to figure out how to get where you want to go.

10) There is always hope around the corner. If you aren't dead, there is still life yet.  Keep going after what you want even if life knocks you down a bit!  There is nothing that you can't do.

Have a beautiful life!
-Reality

He Isn’t Talking to Me… He Must Hate Me

            “Can I ask you a question?”  Bea asked as I start to cut my Panini.

            “Sure, what’s up?” I said pulling the two halves apart gently trying not to pull the melted cheese out from between the pieces of bread.
            “Does Jake hate me?” 

“No why?” I asked tilting my head sideways.

“Because I saw him yesterday and, well, he kinda ran away” I couldn’t stop the bubbling laughter from rising from me.  Within seconds I was in stitches.  Bea became even more panicked “What? Does he?”  I had to control myself Jake had been in love with Bea ever since I had introduced them a year before by this point.  She had lived across the hall from me and whenever he would come over and she was there doing homework with her door open, he would say hi to her and then come into my room, turn on ESPN and periodically check up on her through the peep hole.

Since then, I had tried to get him to talk to her and invited her to group events.  I’m not gonna lie it would have been pretty awesome if they had gotten together.  They were both two of my favorite people and who doesn’t want to see their friends happy.  However, Jake was nervous around girls, especially Bea.  The day before, however, I had seen Jake while walking to a meeting and he ran up to me rejoicing “Guess what? I talked to Bea!!!!”

“Really? What did you talk about?” I said jumping up and down with excitement with him.

“Oh you know just generic stuff like hello you know” Jake said.

“Well that’s great!  I have to run cause I have a meeting, but I have lunch with her tomorrow so I’ll see if she says anything ok.” I said racing off with a smile on myface.  It had finally happened.  Jake had talked to Bea!  Or so I thought, unfortunately Bea saw it as he was avoiding her and even worse hated her.  Through all my laughter I had to break down and tell her the truth. 

“Jake doesn’t hate you, he’s had a huge crush on you for ages” I said laughing.

“Oh really?” she said screwing up her nose.  Clearly her concepts of how guys function had just been shattered.  After I spilled the truth about everything, I realized just how much it contradicted my own stereotypes.

Since the creation of the movie He’s Just Not that Into You, and even possibly before that, we girls tend to think if he isn’t constantly attempting to make contact with you, he isn’t interested.  Jake had just proved us all wrong.  Jake was in fact very much into this girl, but to the point that he had crippled himself, because guys, like girls, get those butterfly feelings and Jello replacing their knees and a heavy weight of sandstone replacing their tongue when they are around someone they are attracted to.

Since then I have actually started paying more attention to my guy friend’s reactions to girls (why it took me until Junior year of college I don’t know), but I have realized something shocking.  Ok girls ready, if you’re standing sit down, because: They are just like us!!!

This may sound ridiculous because of course they are human we are human, but let’s get real here, we ladies put a lot on a little in our world.  I mean they don’t give us much to work with half the time, but we expect a lot from the male species.  We expect them to give out subtle signs of attraction and boldly put their emotions out on the line for us to pick and choose from as we please.  In all honesty it’s probably our own faults, I mean who amongst us has not purposely ignored the obvious signs of flirting from a guy we respect, but can’t date for whatever reason.

Since, my discovery I have decided a new rule don’t force him to stick to rules, they aren’t getting you anywhere.  The two day rule doesn’t even hold true anymore, because at least in my group of  guy friends including far more than just Jake, two days stands as the limit between the amount of time when you last saw her and when you feel that it’s now creepy to try talking to her.  Of course, for some girls too soon also appears creepy.  Over these digital years, we have created a massive labyrinth for guys to dance through before they become important in our lives.

So when you are thinking about what the latest guy who asked you for your number and then never texted you again is thinking, just remember that he is not only human, but has also probably been trying to navigate this foggy labyrinth for years.  Beyond that, hopefully he has a life of his own.  He should have friends and work and other things he is trying to keep up with so as much as I’m sure he would love to spend the day writing poetic text messages to you, get real girl, you would be freaked out if he did.

Some final words of wisdom, when it comes to guys you like, proceed with caution in all directions, your lust fogs your vision too.  Let him get close and maybe you two will find each other through the murky haze.  If he doesn’t end up liking you back, that’s alright, there is always another one around the corner.